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Post edited 1:43 pm – April 9, 2012 by Milos Bulatovic

"Emotional myth #1: How you feel is a result of how you think. NOT TRUE!"

"It wouldn't matter if you are the most disciplined thinker in the world, you still must learn how to work with emotion in order to know how to create inner harmony."

This is one of those "the Earth is not flat, it's round" realizations. I consider myself to have discovered this roundness. I hold up positive thinking, but skills which enable you to work on the roots, where it all resides, are much more efficient.

I like that Milos.  It does seem very rare to see wisdom offered in advertising.

Chris J

"…and try to blame you for what they do or feel, if you accept responsibility for any of these, you will be entering the unhealthy territory of codependence." -Stephen

Yeah, getting the blame can happen often enough, so I confusingly try to accept the responsibility that does not belong to me. Uh… Unhealthy territory it is.

Well, Stephen,

it turns out  that in some peculiar way, as in through a labirint with another person, I end up feeling responsible for this person. It's small stuff, but I know where small stuff leads to – the bigger stuff.

This is not just with one person that I notice. It is rather something in me, then in them. Also, people are sometimes "helpful" to reafirm these invisible set-ups.

"Taking responsibility for one's emotions is a lot like taking responsibility for one's body." -from ES facebook page

Responsibility for body is easy to understand. Everyone is responsible for his/her own. And that's clear.

It seems that when it comes to emotions, there's a whole lot of invisible rules that seem to apply.

One of the things I've become aware of in recent months is my tendency to beat around the bush when bringing up an issue with someone.  My unconscious wants everything to come out perfectly, to not offend.  I don't want my comment to be construed as a condemnation of the entire character of the person with whom I'm talking.  The problem is, the watered-down version that comes out of my mouth does not communicate what I want to communicate.  This often leads to frustration on the part of the receiever, and I also end up frustrated because my issue didn't get resolved.  

I've found it helps to be "specific and unambiguous" in my communication.  Instead of saying something like "I just don't feel very loved" you might say "I would like you to hold my hand when we're out in public because when you do that, I feel loved."  This obviously requires deeper introspection, but if I can give the person I'm talking to specifics, they are more likely to hear what I'm trying to communicate.  Instead of spending time trying to interpret it, they can then choose to either agree or not.  

I've found that trying to "spare someone's feelings" is counterproductive.  Be direct.  Be honest.  It's beneficial to all parties.

Thanks for sharing, Chris.

Chris, you said:

"When I update that I am not…"

This "update" part, I think there is more to be said about it as a part of the system.

Chris,

Those seem like helpful daily reminders.  I also like this recent post on the Emotion School Facebook page: "Every emotion is a brief momentary view into an area of your unconscious. If you take advantage of that moment, you can clearly see the imprints that create your emotion."  For me, it helps put feelings into perspective.  Every emotion is an opportunity to become more aware.  So unpleasant feelings now can become change agents for future benefit.  When I struggle with willingness, this is useful to remember.

Milosh,

I can relate to feeling overwhelmed.  But I think, in the realm of emotions and personal growth, it's natural.  More awareness means more stimuli to absorb.  There's a saying–perhaps you've heard it: "The more you know, the more you know you need to know."  I've also heard a verison of that in a song (full disclosure: I'm about to quote Billy Joel…): "The more I find out, the less that I know."  That rings true for me.  And sometimes that idea is overwhelming.  But if I can look at the big picture, and see the growth resulting from greater awareness, and if I can look back at the footprints in the sand and realize that I got to where I am one step at a time, I find that the feeling overwhelm abates.

Jason,

you sure have made a list there. Just going through it, I am feeling overwhelmed. But everybody has their list; I think it's better to be aware of it, then not.